1692 and All That: A Memorable History of Magic
by Publicola
Summary: Cuthbert Binns has been canned, and a new instructor introduces himself to the class. What mark will he make on the Hogwarts' history curriculum, and what is the true story of the magical world's past? A companion piece to "Magical Me," inspired by my 'Map of Magical Europe.'


1692 and All That: A Memorable History of Magic  
By Publicola

Published 5-3-14

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter books and films; I don't. Nor am I W.C. Sellar or R.J. Yeatman, whose '1066 and All That' inspired the title of this fic (1066 was the Battle of Hastings; 1692 was the Statute of Secrecy). Finally, I don't own history, as in the concept or any facts thereof. I do own the world-building that does not pertain directly to the Harry Potter universe, but as I'm publishing this as a Harry Potter fan-fic, I doubt it really counts. Lastly, I do own the Map of Magical Europe (posted at **imgur . com / a / r9XnQ**, linked from my profile) that inspired the story itself.

Note: This fic is a companion piece to 'Magical Me,' though neither one is necessary to understand or appreciate the other.

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**1692 and All That: A Memorable History of Magic**

"Who are you?"

"Good afternoon, class. My name is Professor Mortimer Toke, and I was hired by the Wizarding Examination Authority to fill in for Mr. Binns for the remainder of the year. It is, to be sure, an unprecedented step to replace a sitting professor half-way through the school term. However, it became necessary when the WEA was made aware of a single pertinent fact. A question, if any of you can answer it: can a ghost open or make withdrawals from a Gringotts vault?"

A stupefied silence filled the room.

"Anyone? Ah. Miss Granger, was it?"

She nodded. "Do you mean to tell us that Professor Binns wasn't being paid?"

"Correct: two points to Gryffindor. The late Mr. Binns was a well-regarded lecturer in his day, but for the last forty-seven years, Mr. Binns has been nothing more than a volunteer. Hogwarts has not had an Professor of Magical History on staff since the day he died. It appears that Headmaster Dippet simply transferred the position's salary back to the Hogwarts general fund, where it was since used as an all-purpose staff expense account, entirely unrelated to this class. There's also been some indication that certain funds were… re-allocated… to the Board of Governors, to encourage them to overlook the violation of the Hogwarts' Charter."

"How dare you! When my father hears about—"

"Sit down, Mr. Malfoy! Needless to say, the matter is still under investigation by the WEA, working in conjunction with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Gringotts Auditors Office. In the interim, it was necessary to fill the vacant staff position, especially as it concerned one of Hogwarts' core classes. And so here I find myself. Now, can anyone tell me what topics Binns has lectured on most recently? Yes, Mr. Zabini."

"Er, the goblin rebellion of 1704, sir?"

"Was that a question?"

"Er, no, sir."

"Then thank you for letting me know: two points to Slytherin. As much as I wish I were wrong, it appears that Mr. Binns' habits are not much changed from the time I studied in this class. However fascinating these events may be, the truth is that the goblin rebellions were quite limited in duration and scope, taking place sporadically during the 17th and 18th centuries, and almost entirely within the British Isles. To focus on them to the exclusion of all else is to do you a profound disservice. Now, can anyone tell me the name of your textbook and its author for this class? Yes, Mr. Finnegan."

"A History of Magic, by Bathilda Bagshot, sir."

"Correct: two points to Gryffindor. While Bagshot is a celebrated magical historian, and her works does not share the same obvious weaknesses as Binns' obsession with goblins, her History of Magic is known to have quite a few issues of its own. If you have your books, please open them with me to page 254, and read starting from the second paragraph."

And as he read, the words appeared in chalk on the blackboard at the front of the class:

* * *

_It was in 1362 that the Wizards' Council, under the leadership of Chief Burdock Muldoon, issued a decree making it illegal to play Quidditch or any other aerial wizarding sport within 50 miles of a muggle settlement or town. This ban was soon amended, however, in the Wizards' Council of 1368, which made it illegal to play Quidditch within 100 miles of a muggle town._

_This state of affairs continued for the next several decades, though not without incident, as there were quite a few occasions where Quidditch games were discovered by muggles from neighboring towns. This was of course the origin for the many rumors in the muggle world about witches flying about on broomsticks._

_Finally, in 1399 the Wizards' Council met again, under Muldoon's successor Elfrida Clagg, and issued a final decree, to ensure that the sport could be enjoyed without fear of muggle persecution: that Quidditch should not be played anywhere there is the slightest chance a Muggle could see, and that violators of the decree would be chained to the wall of a dungeon until they knew better._

* * *

"I see some of you are chuckling to yourselves, as well you should. So what have you learned? Miss Patil."

"That sightings of early Quidditch games lead to the muggle stories about broomsticks."

"Correct. Miss Greengrass?"

"That the Wizards' Council had the power to arrest and imprison offenders of its laws?"

"Excellent. Mr. Potter?"

"That the Wizards' Council at the time was presided over by this Muldoon guy, then Elfrida Clagg?"

"Correct. Mr. Nott."

"That the Wizards' Council was responsible for preserving the secrecy of our world."

"Very good! Two points for each answer: four to Gryffindor, four to Slytherin. Now, can anyone tell me how far 100 miles is?"

No one raised their hands.

"Anyone?"

One hand finally, timidly rose.

"Ah, yes. Miss Granger."

"100 miles – isn't that about the distance from London to Bristol?"

"Correct, Miss Granger, almost exactly right: four points to Gryffindor. Here's another way of looking at it – the length of the border between England and Scotland is less than 100 miles. So what can we learn from that?"

No one answered him.

"Anyone? Yes, Miss Davis."

"Bristol and London are two of the bigger towns, but there are plenty of others. 100 miles from any of them… there'd hardly be anything left."

"To be precise, Miss Davis, there would be nothing left. Four points to Slytherin. The practical effect of a law banning Quidditch for a distance of 100 miles around every non-magical town, would be to ban Quidditch from British shores entirely."

No one spoke.

"Look at the passage again."

And as he spoke, sections of the passage began to cross themselves out on the blackboard.

"The Wizards' Council did not meet in 1362. Burdock Muldoon was one of its better-known chiefs, but his tenure began almost a hundred years late, in 1448. The first decree restricted Quidditch from being played in a space of 5 miles around specific cities – about thirty were listed: London, Bristol, York, all the most populated ones – and 2 miles around all other towns. This decree was issued by the Wizards' Council of 1227, under the leadership of Barberus Bragge. Quidditch was, incidentally, still called 'Cuadditch' at the time; it's modern name was not then in use. The date given for the second decree is correct – it was issued in 1368, though not by the Wizard's Council. And that second decree did double the distance restrictions from the previous decree, but those distances were 10 miles and four miles, respectively, not 100 miles.

"While there were several incidents were Quidditch games were observed by non-magicals, these were not what lead to the reports of witches riding broomsticks, which first appeared in non-magical records in the late Renaissance, in the 1500's and 1600's. The earliest documents from the 1400's actually speak of witches flying through the air on stools, cupboards, and two-pronged cooking forks – broomstick sightings were in fact a much later development.

"Muldoon's successor was Elfrida Clagg, but she was chief of the Wizards' Council through the late 1400's, not the 1300's. The Council did meet in 1499, though not in 1399, but neither Muldoon nor Clagg were involved in issuing regulations for Quidditch games. By that time the power to do so had been passed to a separate governing body, whose authority only extended to banning players from playing in official League teams, not imprisonment.

"And finally, who can tell me the year that the Statute of Secrecy was signed? It shouldn't be a hard question, it's the single most important piece of magical legislation in history. Yes, Miss Parkinson."

"The Statute of Secrecy was ratified in 1692, sir."

"Correct, two points to Slytherin. So tell me, why would the Wizards' Council be interested in preserving the secrecy of the magical world, a full 300 years before the magical world was actually a secret?"

No one answered.

"The Council's reasons for keeping Quidditch games away from non-magical spectators was entirely unrelated to the desire for secrecy, or fear of non-magical persecution. In short, as I hope you've figured out by now, this and the rest of the passage we just read is sheer and utter poppycock. One of the most celebrated authors of the subject, writing on one of the most-recorded periods of early magical history, and there are too many errors to count. It falls to me to inform you that Bagshot has an unfortunate but well-documented history of disregarding facts – ignoring them if they get in the way of a good story, or even making them up to press a point. Like Binns, she has a tendency to focus almost exclusively on magical Britain, ignoring the rest of the world and only occasionally mentioning Europe. Unlike Binns, however, she is known for being quite biased in her treatment of history.

"For instance, though the book was first published in 1947 and then updated with a second edition in 1984, it does not cover any of the events after the year 1900, and her treatment of the 1800's is cursory at best. According to industry rumor, the publisher removed a considerable amount of content due to Bagshot's sympathizing with certain unsavory political figures, such as Laudislaus Gaunt, the Hogwarts Headmaster who spent his final years in Azkaban for torturing muggles in violation of the Statute of Secrecy, or Phineas Nigellus Black, the 'least popular Headmaster ever' who was rumored to have carried on several affairs with underage students.

"Of course, that's not to mention her most scandalous connection: Bathilda Bagshot is the great-aunt of Gellert Grindelwald, and has been heard on many occasions to defend her 'misunderstood' grand-nephew. It's widely understood that this is why her book contains no content past the year 1900, for the chapters she sent to her publisher were not so much history as they were a lengthy defense of the 'poor boy' who directly caused the worst bloodbath in the history of Europe, magical and non-magical alike. This bias, along with her contempt for facts, is well-known outside Britain, though you never know it from this class."

After a few seconds of silence, a hand traced its well-worn path into the air.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"So – so everything we know, everything we were taught, is… is wrong?"

"Almost, but not everything. If you were able to stay awake during class, Binns is fairly reliable in the specific facts he provides, though his interpretation of what those facts mean may be often distorted by his obsession with goblin wars. But everything in your textbook, everything in A History of Magic, everything in Hogwarts: a History or any of Bagshot's other works – yes. You must take them with a grain of salt, if not several heaping tablespoons."

"Oh."

"It was a good question. It is both fortunate and unfortunate that the OWL and NEWT exams in this subject are written by individuals who took this very class, who learned from Binns and read from Bagshot. It is fortunate because the tests will not expect you to have mastered as much material beyond what you've learned here. It's unfortunate because those tests will have to be almost entirely rewritten to cover the new material, and remove the false facts taken from Bagshot's works. Now, as Miss Parkinson informed us, the Statute of Secrecy was signed in 1692. What should that tell us about the history of magic before and after that point?"

A few seconds passed before the answer came.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Well, you said that before the Statute, magic wasn't actually a secret, so shouldn't the history of the magical world be pretty much the same as the history of the non-magical world?"

"Excellent, Mr. Potter! Four points to Gryffindor. Does everyone understand what was just said? Prior to the Statute of Secrecy, the history of magic and the history of non-magic are the same. Yes, the records of observed magic were mostly destroyed or hidden once the Statute was signed, but that was not comprehensive. This is why there are still stories of Merlin and King Arthur, stories of Atlantis, stories of Greek and Roman gods. This is why the parselmouth Patrick is still recognized by non-magicals as the patron saint of Ireland, why our magical hospital is named after Saint Mungo Bonham, the man once said to have baptized Merlin. Next question: going by the year the Statute was signed, what can we conclude about magical history after that point? Yes, Miss Bulstrode."

"If magical and non-magical history were the same before, then wouldn't they be different after?"

"Sure, that works. Two points to Slytherin. This is a more complicated subject, because the Statute of Secrecy was in many cases negotiated with and approved by non-magical governments – this is why our Minister must report to a representative of the British Crown, usually the Prime Minister. The world wars sparked by Grindelwald illustrate another complicating factor, for he worked quite closely with the Prussian then German leaders, and in many cases his magical forces fought alongside their non-magical war machine.

"But the overarching pattern holds: the magical world split from the non-magical world in 1692, so the default borders between magical communities are the same borders that existed between non-magical countries at that point in time. Obviously those borders have changed, but those changes do not always reflect the changes we see in non-magical countries. Hence, non-magical Lithuania may be a tiny country along the Baltic sea, until recently a satellite state of Soviet Russia. But magical Lithuania is another story entirely: it is the dominant power in Eastern and Central Europe, its borders stretch from Baltic to Black Sea, and far from it being a satellite state, the Tsardom of Russia is practically a satellite to it."

"In short, ladies and gentlemen, witches and wizards, take your wands and cast your best sticking charms on the seat of your pants, because it's going to be a wild ride. We have a lot of ground to cover and not much time to cover it. I've sent a letter to your parents explaining the need to purchase new history textbooks, but until our next class, I've copied the relevant chapters from our text. Pick those up at the front of the class before you leave, and I will see you next week."

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**1692 and All That: A Memorable History of Magic**

**comprising all the parts you can remember from Binns and Bagshot, including 103 Goblin Rebellions, 5 Chocolate Frog Cards, and 2 Genuine Facts  
and so much more!**

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**A/N**: Thanks for reading, and please review — I look forward to your feedback. In case you were wondering, the names, dates, and events from the excerpt to Bagshot's History of Magic is taken straight from Rowling, though the quoted passage itself is original to this fic. You can check out "Wizards' Council" on the Harry Potter wiki for more information.

This fic was inspired by the 'Map of Magical Europe' that I created to illustrate some of the world-building I'd done for my self-insert fic 'Magical Me'. You can find a link to that map on my profile, or simply type the following in to your browser's address bar: **imgur . com / a / r9XnQ**. Explanations of the various names and features can be found on my Discussion Forum, also linked from my profile.

I may in the future add a Table of Contents to this first chapter, but I'll leave that decision for later. I will, however, post my tentative title and plans for the next installment in this series.

"Temples and Heroes" — Magical Anarchy in the Ancient World

Sadly, contrary to Professor Toke's final words in this chapter, I can't guarantee it will be posted next week, nor can I promise a regular update schedule for this fic, as my focus will mainly be on my other works. Even so, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

**A/N 2**: Due to my dissatisfaction with the original title (the plodding 'A True History of Magic') I posted a poll on my profile and corresponding topic on my forum asking for suggestions for a better title for this story. I have since updated with a new title (inspired by the tongue-in-cheek history of England '1066 and All That'), but I've kept the poll and forum topic open in case anyone has any other ideas they might care to send my way. Also, the subtitle was written spur of the moment, so please don't flame me if I happen to only mention 84 goblin rebellions, or include a dozen extra Genuine Facts.


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